Grandma Jacobs

We lost my Grandmother Tuesday, May 27th. She had battled heart disease, cancer and Alzheimer's for many years.

Although she lived in Ohio she always made an effort to come see us in the summers on her motorcycle. I love this photo of her with my Dad and Aunt.

I'm glad not many people read this blog: The lack of audience allows me to unleash really bad poetry....but trust me it's from the heart.

My Grandmother was a tough lady, but she had a soft side too. She loved us a lot and we loved her too. I will miss her.

I love you, Grandma.

_____________________________________

"Motorcycle Grandma"

By Brandi Spann

I will always remember lying by the pool of the hotel
Splashing in the water every summer
You always came
We loved you with your soft hugs,
Your raspy voice that called our Dad "Denny"
Holidays found us apart but you always remembered
Christmas and birthdays were never overlooked
And even through the distance we loved you


Later we would wait by the window in anticipation of the roar
The roar of your motorcycle coming down our street
We were so proud of our Motorcycle Grandma
and bragged about you to our friends
We loved with you with your kisses,
Your turquoise jewelry and your leopard prints
and even when you had to go
we loved you through the distance


Then you sent for us on an airplane
and that time we came to you
You made everything exciting and new
In many ways you were so strong
through heartache, loss
Strong but also fragile
you held on so many times
and always there was the distance


I can see you now
happy and content with the Lover of your soul
You have a healthy heart and clear mind
One day we will join you there
Through the promise of the Son
Until then we will remember
We know you had to go
and we will love you always, even through the distance

Update on D, G & S

***Note: if you have any contact with the kids' family, or anyone who does, specifically Ms. Edna, I'm asking that this NOT BE SHARED***

I talked to the CPS supervisor yesterday about the kids. The foster Mom who has the two younger children is considering adopting all 3. Evidently the oldest will come live with them this summer after school is out. The two younger kids are very attached to their foster Mom so this is great news for them.

I'll remind you that the foster parents have first choice once the parental rights are severed. This is why Greg and I are being licensed to foster-to-adopt. I asked the CPS Supervisor if I could check in with her again once we are licensed to find out what the foster Mom had decided and she said that was fine.

Please pray for this family and specifically for the oldest boy. If it's God's will that the kids be reunited within this family, I hope it is a smooth transition for them.

We have been praying for these kids - their picture is on our fridge. We want God's best for them, and if that is with another family we know that God has another child/children planned for us.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart

Today is Greg's 38th Birthday.

There are so many things I can say to describe what he means to me. Above all he is my best friend, mate, my everything.

Among other things, Greg recieved a grill from his parents, my parents and my sister, who was the master mind. He loved it.

Happy Birthday to my Macho Man! I love you!

Updates....

Most people are wondering where we are on getting licensed.

We have a few more things to take care of:

Greg's fingerprint results
Greg needs a physical
We have to finish filling out our 23 page, long answer applications.
Do 5 hours of supervised childcare - we're still waiting on a list of families
Turn everything in.

Once everything is done, we'll be scheduled for a homestudy.

Once the homestudy is complete, the social worker needs time to write it up. Evidently it is 20+ pages about US. Boring, I know. Once our agency approves the homestudy it goes to CPS for approval.

In the meanwhile, we're still finishing stuff around the house and trying to get a room ready for the "kids".

_________________________________________

Another cool thing that happened...

One of the hardest things in preparing for the adoption has been giving up my office. In many ways it has been a sanctuary. When I study I need SILENCE. So I've been worried about moving our computer out into the kitchen (common family area).

Well my In-Laws bought me a laptop.

Yep.

How cool is that? How cool are they? I'm going to have to post a more flattering picture of them on the blog now :)

We are going to look into getting wireless internet so I can study and write anywhere I want in the house.

Thank you Mimi and Papaw!

Grades are In

I passed grammar.

No summer school.

God is so good.

And yes, I am up at 6:40 AM checking my grades.

D, G & S.....

I've called the caseworker manager on three separate occasions in the past week and 1/2. She has not returned my phone calls. I'm going to try her again on my way home from work. I'm thinking either a) this woman doesn't return phone calls or b) they've already been adopted so she is ignoring my messages and moving onto bigger and better things.

Either way I'd just like to know their status.... and I want to see if she'll tell me what level of foster care they are in... after all she told me to call as often as I liked :) Silly woman!

Wish me luck!

Blessings and Energy

The people who gave us the bunk beds are also including both mattresses. We got the futon mattress when we picked up the bed, then I got a text message yesterday saying we could have the twin mattress as well, it was too long for a regular bed. Ironically I was just discussing mattress shopping with Greg! Although I am the 2nd hand Queen, I do balk when it comes to items like used mattresses. However, I think it's different when you know the family they came from. Plus they can be cleaned and there are mattress covers. It's amazing how God is already providing for our needs!

Does anyone know if futons need twin or full sized bedding?

We kept our two great-neices this past weekend. It was fun AND extremely exhausting. It was a real eye opener to both Greg and I that we need to start getting in shape NOW. Oh, and I also now know that you should feed your kids before you put their church clothes on them! Geesh. We took the girls for pancakes Sunday morning and I thought I was going to have a heart attack watching 3 year old Astrid and 1 year old Ryah drop food on their new dresses :) I know, I know - eventually I'll get over stuff like that - but hey, that's my hard earned money! We took them to a place where we eat breakfast a lot... the girls behind the counter said, "Wow, we've never seen you bring your kids with you before". It was a little disturbing... where did they think we'd kept our kids?... but also very cool :)

I love it!

National Foster Care Prayer Vigil

Evidently May is Foster Care Month.

Focus on the Family, Family Life & Shaohannah's Hope are organizing a Prayer Vigil for Foster children. For anyone who is interested:

There are only two locations in Texas: Tyler and Irving.

The Irving vigil takes place on May 23rd, 6-8 pm at:

Irving Bible Church
2435 Kinwest Parkway
Irving, TX
Room West C&D

For directions go here.

Happy Mother's Day!

(Revised to add: I forgot to post this after I wrote it, sorry it's late.)
Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers and soon to be Moms out there! Isn't my Momma a cutie? And yes, there is a strong family resemblance :)

Only in the last few years have I begun to understand the sacrifices my Mother made, and how she has contributed to the person I am. Because of my Mom, I grew up grounded in the knowledge of Jesus Christ and know Him as my personal Savior. Because of my Mom, I am careful with money. Because of my Mom, it never occured to me that I wouldn't go to college. Because of my Mom, I understand humility (although I struggle to live in it). Because of my Mom, l love to read. Because of my Mom, I can make spaghetti. Had it been up to my Mom, I would know how to cook something other than spaghetti - not for her lack of trying! I could go on and on.

Thank you, Mom, for putting up with me: my ingratitude, smart mouth, harsh words, selfish nature, know-it-all & bossy personality. Thank you for the hugs and kisses, support and for always believing that I could accomplish anything. Thank you for listening to me sing and sing and sing for hours until you thought your ears would bleed. Thank you for watching me cheer through football games when I know you would have loved to be anywhere else.

Thank you for encouraging Greg and I through the adoption process. Thank you for being excited about your future Grandkids.

You've been an wonderful Mother - I know you'll be an incredible Grandmother.

Love,
Brandi

The Outman Family and David Need Just $1 From Each of Us

I found this family through another blog today. They are adopting a little boy with Down's Syndrome from Europe and need help funding their adoption. They are asking for only $1 in donations from each person. I think this is a great idea.

If you have just a dollar (or more) to spare, please go here to help David come home and get the medical care and love he so desperately needs.

You can read more about this family and their adoption journey here.

It is a bug bite? Is the chicken pox? No it's....

... a reaction from my TB test. 99% of people have no problems.... just my luck :) And yes, my skin REALLY is that white :) However, I am definitely TB free so that is a good thing! I have been trying to solicit sympathy over this "gigantic" spot on my arm but Greg and Lindsey aren't buying it!

You probably won't either and I don't blame you.... oh well, you can't blame a girl for trying!

We are getting free bunkbeds from a friend of Lindsey's. They are the metal type that is twin on top and full size on the bottom. Now we just need a twin bed, 3 mattresses, bedding, and a dresser and we'll be set on kids furniture. We also need to replace a window blind my dog Annie (no longer with us) tore up and a light fixture on the ceiling fan that has always been broken. I've decided not to paint the room until we know for certain who will be staying in it. Then they can choose a color they want. I started to clean out the office (soon to be the kids' room) closet and boy do I have my work cut out for me. I asked Greg to get some of his larger stuff out of that closet and into his. When he tried to put it off, I told him, "the kids don't want YOUR crap in THEIR closet". He thought that was pretty funny. I will try to post some before and after pictures.

I picked up some board games and a few younger kid puzzles, along with a baseball and brand new baseball gloves at our church yardsale. They are so cute sitting on the closet shelf.

I am going to get fingerprinted tonight after work. Greg has an appointment for next week. We both have to go to the Dr. to get "Physician Statements" signed. Greg's going Friday, I'm going next Monday. Our to-do list is getting shorter and shorter.

A friend pointed out to me that my blog states many negative things about CPS. I agree and want to clarify this a little if I can. First, people who work for CPS do not do it for the money. I believe with all my heart that the caseworkers do love kids and want to help. However, with 100 + kids on their caseload (which should ideally be around 25), burn out is high and many begin to make desperate yet unethical decisions. In the case of many CPS workers, they are eventually up against a wall, too many kids, not enough time. Either way, CPS does end up with a bad reputation.

I do not believe that CPS is evil. I believe that many caseworkers are highly educated and in the end want the best for the kids in their care. They have rules and guidelines that I respect.

On a lighter note, I tried to convince Greg the other day that I was due a Mother's Day gift this weekend. After all, technically my kids are already out there somewhere... just not with me yet... right? Don't worry, he didn't fall for it!

Foster Care Motivations

If you had told me several years ago I was eventually going to become a foster Mom, I would have laughed at you. I've been around foster kids. They are broken. They can be mean - verbally and physically. They are VERY ungrateful. They falsely accuse their foster parents. Sometimes, they just don't care.

And so I've been asked, "What changed your mind"?

The answer is simple: God.

You see, we are not going through all of this to impress anyone. We are not doing this because we care if people think we are capable of doing it - although many good friends have strongly encouraged us on this journey. We are doing this because God has spoken to both Greg and I, and He's telling us that our kids are in the Texas State Foster Program - and that we need to get them out.

Foster-to-adopt is the best option for people who are looking to adopt foster kids. The statistics show that clearly. So we are preparing to tackle that obstacle until we find our kids. And it's important to point out that we are fostering in order to adopt. Fostering is not our main goal. We are building a group of trusted mentors to call up on for advice and preparation. Trust me when I say that we have not ventured into this journey without much prayer and deliberation. Or because someone else thought of it so now we suddenly want to do it.

The truth is that sometimes God leads us where we never thought we'd go. I have met many missionaries, most of whom would tell you they never dreamed of being in the ministry, not to mention living overseas. But once they did, they can never imagine their lives differently. We have met families who've adopted through the state. They tell us to hang in for a rough first year. Then prepare to fall in love and never be able to imagine your life without that child/children.

Following God's will is very serious business. When someone uses the phrase, "I felt/feel God leading", I always pause. Those words carry a heavy meaning, and one I am not willing to question. Only in the face of godly and respected counsel would I question what I believe to be God's will or calling.

In 2004 I spent a few weeks in Cambodia. They were some of the most amazing, life changing weeks I have ever experienced. Just before I left I had been "dating" someone who was completely inappropriate for me. That man stopped talking to me a few weeks before I left. I felt hurt, but I tried to moved on. One night in Cambodia I went to a worship service where many of us lead worship and one of the seminary students with us preached through an interpreter. The student was an accomplished speaker. He was a great guy who loved the Lord. While I listened to his sermon, I could hear a thought whispering through my mind. It was almost audible. It was saying, "Brandi, don't you want to hold out for My best? Don't you trust Me to provide you with your perfect mate? Listen to this guy, wouldn't it be nice if you could find a good Christian man who loves Me like you do? Please, trust Me and hold out for My best". I stopped worrying about that guy I was dating after that. I gave God my love life that night and four weeks after I came home from Cambodia I met Greg.

I tell you this story to make this point: I have never heard God's literal voice. But I have felt Him speak directly to my heart and trust me, it's something you can't ignore. And so I know now, as I have for many years, that God wants us to adopt. He is promising Greg and I that if we are faithful and trust Him, we're going to find our kids right where He leads us.

Is it going to be all fun? No. Are we going to be June and Ward Cleaver with our perfect kids and perfect parenting skills? No. Can we completely comprehend what we are getting ourselves into? Definitely not! But, we have the Creator of the universe in our corner.

My money is on us.


"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?"
Romans 8:31