- CPS is looking at a Great-Aunt to take the kids. We are still waiting for a homestudy to be complete, but they could be placed with her by mid-August.
- CPS sent out information from the reunification meeting with our last name on it - to everyone who attended the meeting, including the parents and their relatives. Nice.
- Miley stood all by herself for a few seconds this week. It was amazing!
- The family visits are going MUCH better.
It's 3 AM. The kids are in respite for the weekend. It's funny, I've been looking forward to having a "break" for two weeks now, but I can't help but miss them. I'm sure I'll get over it tomorrow when no one knocks on my door at 7 AM :)
I've been thinking about the way foster parents are treated - as though we are not "real" parents. It's starting to bother me a lot. Don't get me wrong, our church and friends have been great: as soon as the word got out that we were being placed with three kids, people started scrambling. As a result we have six car seats (and use almost all of them), two pack 'n plays (use both), two strollers, a crib, two high chairs, clothes, bunk beds, toys, a jungle gym. There are many prayer warriors on our side. We appreciated and needed that. I don't want to seem ungrateful.
However, there is a flip side. For example, I had someone inform me that I should never leave the baby alone in the bath tub. Evidently, they can drown in as little as two inches of water. I don't know why that bothered me so much but it did. I know this person was trying to be helpful, but it feels like because I have not given birth people assume I have no common sense. By the way, there is a lot we do NOT know. I have no problem admitting that and asking for advice when I need it.
Mother's Day and Father's Day were interesting. Our church does recognition of things like oldest father/mother, newest, one with most children, most family present, etc. When I was nominated for newest mother, someone actually said out loud, "but she didn't actually have them". Ouch. When Greg was nominated, someone said, "he's only a father until July". Keep in mind this is during the morning service. I realize this is a minority, but it is still hurtful.
These kids call us Mom and Dad - and not because we prompted them to. They run to us when they are hurt. We feed them, clothe them and bathe them. When the baby cries in the middle of the night, we get up with her. Doctors visits, play dates, church, therapies, tantrums - we are there for it all.
I think in the long run, being a foster parent is more difficult and painful than being a birth parent raising their kids. After all, these kids are with us indefinitely. We take them in with all their problems, start to straighten them out, then they are taken. In the end, the only thing separating foster parents from "real" parents is permanency.
Why else would I be up at 3 AM writing about them?
2 comments:
I'm so sorry that people have acted like that. You are absolutely their parents! The thing is, you don't have to have just one set. My kids know that they have parents in their birth country and then myself and my husband too. We tell them they are special because they have so many people who love them. There can never be too many people who love a child.
I hope that you start to find better support at church as people begin to understand it all better. I know that has to be hard.
I am so grateful that there are people who willingly love and raise children, knowing that it is only for a season. We have three adopted children who were in two separate foster homes and I will always be thankful for all the love and care they got before they came to their forever family. The children could not have been loved more than they were loved by their foster parents and I know the wonderful children God placed in my home are so joyful and loving because of the emotional investment of their foster parents. Thank you for willingly doing a thankless job - your treasures are stored up in heaven.
May God continue to bless you and your husband. Praying that God will soon place children in their forever family with you and your husband.
Blessings.
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